Epic homework

Post your homework where you just went "screw it" and totally BSed the whole thing, or just did it real funny.

The purpose of the below speech was to give a story about some good advice. Because it's a manuscript I didn't care to fix grammar or spelling. this is how it was when I gave the speech.

There's an old saying that goes: “That man knows where his towel is.” This holds meaning simply because a towel is the most useful tool in the universe. Even digital watches that glow in the dark, the greatest achievement of mankind is useless in comparisson to a towel.

I first heard of the saying from a man that was from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse He knew where his towel was. Towels can be used as a blindfold to help you from passing out in the face of extreme gruesomeness. A towelcan be used as a lethal close combat weapon of the highest caliber, especially applied in the aincient art of 'Rat Tail'. When Brutus killed ceasar it is well known that he obliterated Cesar's rump with the powerful matial art, leaving him defensless for his inevitable assassination at the hands of Brutus. Which lead to the most historical catchphrase ever uttered. “Cesar, your salad just got tossed.”

Now for my part of the story. While I was halfway into my dauntless endeavors in the sahara rainforest where we fought off insane tree-people that worshiped Mell Gibson. The towel, which was standard issue for all loggers on the operation, served us many many times. But it did not serve quite as well as it did on one particular day. While on a hike to retrieve a rare and now extinct Saharan Mahogany tree, famous for its wood that is not only nigh indestructible, but can bend the fabric of space-time. On the way through the dense jungle, we got lost. Well, more accurately said, we didn't know where we were going in the first place. We survived on our towels, which, if you put a nice amount of gravel in it and run a stick back and forth through the gravel can act like sandpaper making an effective pointed stick, which can be used to whittle a back-scratcher. Then, it could be used as a friction creater to make fire out of the old, useless back scratchers. Luckily we never had to worry about food, seeing as the Saharan rainforest was full of nutritious and delicious wampa-fruit. We didn't have to gather food and could leisurely swim in the rivers. When we were done we would simply use our towels to make fires to warm us up and dry us down. We used our towels to fen off the creatures in the night, whe were terrified of the images of spongebob and dora the explora. We eventually made it back to camp. We had treked lost for three hundred yards that day. We survived only because we had our towels.

Thus, we conclude our proceedings on the usefulness of a towel by saying, “KNOW WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS!”